Shaking Things Up

As growing believers, we all go through dark times.  Times when we feel like the Lord is far from where we are.  For some its filled with doubt, some its filled with anger, some with fear and some its just deafening silence.  I have definitely been in those places.  Sometimes all of them at the same time.  I've really called on God to come through on some things just to feel like I am alone in the silence.  These "things" weren't all together selfish. Some were very real, very deep prayers for my spiritual growth or for other people.  Areas I felt the Lord would be interested in.

Lately, I have really wanted to throw my hands up and say "SHOW UP."  Somewhere deep inside I think I always knew He was there but my faith was waining, my resolve was all but empty.  I couldn't understand why the Lord wasn't revealing himself in more real ways.  I wanted Him to stir my heart. I wanted him to awaken my soul.  Yet, i kept finding myself deeper and deeper in a world without his voice.  



There were some things in myself and in others around me that I knew He needed to change.  I felt strongly, and I thought scripture backed it up, that we couldn't do it on our own, that He needed to be at the heart of it.  Still there was Silence. Nothing.  



I wasn't truly seeking his heart, but I also was in a place where i didn't even know how to do that.  I needed Him to give me a kick in the pants and was fervently asking Him to do it.  I was becoming more and more aware of the fact that I COULD NOT do this on my own and was trusting and hoping he'd come through.



This week, I suddenly started to see just how in motion he was. Thoughts and desires I had were being displayed in very public ways.  The visions of leaders and pastors were, sometimes from the pulpit, expressing the desire for change and renewal that I was desperate for.  Devotions that I had long since given up on were speaking right to the heart of my hopes and fears.  I was getting a tiny glimpse of what God is doing.  He is totally and completely stirring things up.   He wasn't silent before. He was just working in the background, preparing me and so many others for what he was doing in the hearts and lives of the church, the city.

Life Giving

I am coming out of a season of dryness, loneliness and disillusionment.  I have spent most of my life wanting.  Whatever my current circumstances are, I find myself wanting something I don't have.  Whether its friends I don't have, a family I don't have, money I don't have, career that I don't have, faith I don't have, etc, I can always identify something that I wish I had.  Rarely do I stop and look at what I do have and how God has blessed me.  I have alot.  Today, I'd like to share with you the things that are life giving for me.  THese are things that wake me up in the morning and give me something to look forward to.

THIS BLOG
Although many days I truly struggle with where I am going with this blog, I do enjoy its role in my life.  I love that its giving me an outlet to write.  My writing is not where I want it but its definitely further along than its been in a long time.  The fact that I am writing in a public forum is a huge deal for me.  Also, the friends I have made through blogging has been amazing and so very encouraging.  I look forward to being more intentional with those friendships that have formed.

MY SHOP 
Over Christmas, my sales had gone up.  It, at one point, was almost overwhelming but it was so much fun.  Its opened up a creative side in me that I look forward to.  I've been exploring new ways to create and sell and its truly been a joyful process. I can't believe God has allowed this to be an outlet for me.  Although this will feel like a shameless plug, I did want to share with you my latest creations. I am deeply proud of these pieces and am just so super excited to share them with you.  There are codes available should you want to purchase them (no pressure). I'd love love love if you tweeted, pinned, facebooked, etc about these new additions. I'll send you a 30%off code if you help plug my shop in 5 different ways. Links are available below if you want to go directly to the shop.

Large-Knit Chunky Wool Blend Infinity Scarf - $14 $12 with Code:LIFE15

Gray, Chunky, Cozy Infinity Scarf/Shaw/Hood - $23 $20 with Code:LIFE15

Misty Wool Blend Infinity Scarf - $25 $22 with Code:LIFE15

Moonlight Wool Blend Infinity Scarf - $25 $22 with Code:LIFE15

Taupe Large Knit Chunky Infinity Scarf  - $13 $11 with Code:LIFE15

MY CHURCH
I recently was able in a place to communicate my needs and desires regarding my role in my church.  For the longest time I held resentment towards where I felt I was and/or should be in regards to my role.  It wasn't until I stepped forward and explained where i was and what i needed that I was able to truly feel connected and at home.  It was such a growing step for me. I finally realized that we can't expect people to know where we are at if we haven't done our part in communicating the need. Now I feel like I am in the right place, doing what gives me life.

MY FRIENDSHIPS
This one, for me, will be harder to articulate because I am still in the process of figuring them out but I will try.  I have a few friendships that I truly feel are God given gifts for me. The kind that I know are perfectly wrapped gifts from God to Me.  They give me life and energy and show me a glimpse of what His love is for his people and for me.  

I also have friendships that I am beginning to see are the other side of that. I know they are gifts from God but intended for the other person.  They are entrusted to me for His glory and not my own.  They require more energy, forethought and trust than the previously stated ones but they are gifts none the same and are precious beyond words.  I am learning more and more each day the value of those friendships.  They bring me outside of myself which, quite honestly, I desperately need.

These are some of the things I am grateful for and feel honored and blessed by God to have them in my life.  What are the things in your life that make you happy, bring you joy or make life worth living?  I dare you to write a post, comment below or tweet out what those are.  Believe me it will open your eyes up to some amazing things if you take time to discover what they are.

Family Meeting

Picture Curtesy of Kristen Whalen

For those who have been in the church for awhile,  I hope this has been your experience. I am very aware of the fact that this is not normal as it hasn't always been normal for me. But these days its very normal.

A friend of mine who attends my church was admitted to the hospital this week for some anxiety and mental health related issues.  Its something they have dealt with most of their life but they realized that they wanted a break from it.

This person has family close by but I get the impression they aren't close and probably has some baggage there.  That's just my assumption!  But he says his church is his family, we are his family.  We say that to each other lots but it wasn't until this week that I truly understood it.

As soon as he was taken to the ER, people from our church were there! I think at one point there was 15 of us.  People have been there pretty much around the clock. Even if we can't see him, we're waiting in the waiting room in case he needs us.

Two or three of his friends, who have experience navigating the system have been his advocates, making sure he asks the right questions and that he's getting the right kind of help.  They are coordinating visitors, information, etc.  They emailed today saying they are having a "family meeting" tomorrow with the doctor to talk about treatment and next steps.  I loved that these 2-3 people who are not his flesh and blood are part of the "family meeting." They know him better then his own family and are fighting for him as a family should.  Its just such a beautiful picture of what Christ intended the church to be.  This is what being a part of a Christian Community should be like.  We should be like family.  The people we call on when life is overwhelming and unbearable.  The people we can feel safe with when things aren't good.  The people we know won't judge or condemn but will love and provide! This is what I hope the rest of the world would see Christians as!  This is what I pray the Church will become in the eyes of the rest of the world. A place of hope, acceptance, love.  

"Villa" in Teaneck

I just need to brag a little... My church's leaders are meeting this weekend for a retreat.  We found this house in Teaneck, NJ (10 minutes outside of NYC).  Its a  huge house with 8 bedrooms, a monster kitchen and lots of space. Now, when 50 people are in here I am not so sure about how spacious it will be but it will still be nice.  The price, per night, is not much more then a Manhattan 1 bedroom hotel room.

This is the master bedroom. This is a 360 degree panoramic so the room is a tad distorted but its huge and luxurious. I slept here last night. I will lose it tonight when the masses arrive but for one night i was living in luxury.

Church of New York?

I started reading through Colossians on the train to work the other day. As I got through the first few verses I started to ponder through what a letter to New York would look like. Paul begins Colossians talking about their faith and their love for the saints. In other books, the author speaks to various people regarding the state of their church, the state of their faith. Sometimes words are spoken in loving confrontation. Sometimes in affirmation.

What would the letter to the church at new York look like? How would Paul approach us? How would he encourage us? What would he confront us about?

Would he say something like this?
We give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love which you have for all the saints; because of the hope laid up for you in heaven, of which you previously heard in the word of truth, the gospel which has come to you, just as in all the world also it is constantly bearing fruit and increasing, even as  it has been doing  in you also since the day you heard  of it  and understood the grace of God in truth; just as you learned it from Epaphras, our beloved fellow bond-servant, who is a faithful servant of Christ on our behalf, and he also informed us of your love in the Spirit. (Colossians 1:3-8 NASB)

Cheesy moment #1

This will be a short post but just wanted to say HI!  I am finding myself lately feeling an overwhelming gratitude for the blessings in my life.

I have two families. I have my blood family and my church family.  Each one is so super special to me.  My biological family has been such a blessing in my life.  They have done so much so that i can have so much.  Their love is unconditional and so encouraging. When i look at friends who don't have that, I become even more grateful for what I do have.  Without them, I would not be who I am and I am thankful to them for that.

I also have a church family who in many aspects is the same as my biological family.  They are encouraging, loving, challenging sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers.  The steps I took this year was made easier because of their wisdom and love in my life.

I have so many other blessings that i am thankful for and today I am overflowing with gratitude!  God has been so good to show me his character and love.  What I don't have, I see today, as God's promises and will on my life. I choose to trust in his plan.

When It Rains...

You know the saying, “when it rains it pours”? For the last 2 or 3 weeks, this saying has been true to my life. But fortunately for me, it hasn't been for the negative. It has been in the form of many blessings.

As many of you know, I quit my job in June of this year. The decision to leave my 9 to 5 was as much for my passion to pursue photography and writing as it was to trust that God had something better for me. I took a risk not having the promise of income for the foreseeable future. God was gracious to me, in that, fear and anxiety never followed the decision to leave. I knew that this move was something that He desired for my life.

I had the blessing of not only my community but my closest friends and my family. So off I went in pursuit of whatever God's path was for me. Most days involved writing, cooking, serving my friends, babysitting, and occasionally photography. For close to 2 months I did not bring in much money if any at all. To say that it wasn't a concern would be a lie, but I also knew I was doing what God wanted me to do at the time. This allowed me to breathe a little easier in doing the things that were giving me life.