Thursday, March 28, 2013

Shaking Things Up

As growing believers, we all go through dark times.  Times when we feel like the Lord is far from where we are.  For some its filled with doubt, some its filled with anger, some with fear and some its just deafening silence.  I have definitely been in those places.  Sometimes all of them at the same time.  I've really called on God to come through on some things just to feel like I am alone in the silence.  These "things" weren't all together selfish. Some were very real, very deep prayers for my spiritual growth or for other people.  Areas I felt the Lord would be interested in.

Lately, I have really wanted to throw my hands up and say "SHOW UP."  Somewhere deep inside I think I always knew He was there but my faith was waining, my resolve was all but empty.  I couldn't understand why the Lord wasn't revealing himself in more real ways.  I wanted Him to stir my heart. I wanted him to awaken my soul.  Yet, i kept finding myself deeper and deeper in a world without his voice.  

There were some things in myself and in others around me that I knew He needed to change.  I felt strongly, and I thought scripture backed it up, that we couldn't do it on our own, that He needed to be at the heart of it.  Still there was Silence. Nothing.  

I wasn't truly seeking his heart, but I also was in a place where i didn't even know how to do that.  I needed Him to give me a kick in the pants and was fervently asking Him to do it.  I was becoming more and more aware of the fact that I COULD NOT do this on my own and was trusting and hoping he'd come through.

This week, I suddenly started to see just how in motion he was. Thoughts and desires I had were being displayed in very public ways.  The visions of leaders and pastors were, sometimes from the pulpit, expressing the desire for change and renewal that I was desperate for.  Devotions that I had long since given up on were speaking right to the heart of my hopes and fears.  I was getting a tiny glimpse of what God is doing.  He is totally and completely stirring things up.   He wasn't silent before. He was just working in the background, preparing me and so many others for what he was doing in the hearts and lives of the church, the city.

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