Monday, August 22, 2011

When It Rains...

You know the saying, “when it rains it pours”? For the last 2 or 3 weeks, this saying has been true to my life. But fortunately for me, it hasn't been for the negative. It has been in the form of many blessings.

As many of you know, I quit my job in June of this year. The decision to leave my 9 to 5 was as much for my passion to pursue photography and writing as it was to trust that God had something better for me. I took a risk not having the promise of income for the foreseeable future. God was gracious to me, in that, fear and anxiety never followed the decision to leave. I knew that this move was something that He desired for my life.

I had the blessing of not only my community but my closest friends and my family. So off I went in pursuit of whatever God's path was for me. Most days involved writing, cooking, serving my friends, babysitting, and occasionally photography. For close to 2 months I did not bring in much money if any at all. To say that it wasn't a concern would be a lie, but I also knew I was doing what God wanted me to do at the time. This allowed me to breathe a little easier in doing the things that were giving me life.

The last 3 to 4 weeks my anxiety was beginning to show a little. The money was running out, and I was beginning to think it wasn't fair leaning on other people to pay for my livelihood. They never complained. They only encouraged. But I was beginning to feel that I wasn't being responsible with the generosity they were providing. Now that doesn't mean I was overly anxious or concerned but the reality was becoming more and more clear.

About a month ago, the new pastor of the neighborhood church I attend mentioned in a leadership meeting that he was looking for an assistant for the Upper West Side parish. I have a pretty strong church-based work experience. The position would be part-time and working with the parish I attend and a team that I respect. A part-time job would mean that I could still do my writing and photography, but I would have a steady income coming in to pay for the basics. The 2 worlds of this job opportunity seemed a little too good to be true. I sent an e-mail to the pastor with my interest in the job. We met and had a great conversation about what his expectations were for this position and what my background was in relation to this position.  I felt encouraged by his leadership and the direction the church was going.  Even though I felt like this job was the right fit, I never let myself get too attached to it, trusting that if God wanted me in this role he would work it out. A few weeks after my initial conversation with the pastor they officially announced the role to the church. I knew they wanted to fill this job pretty quickly but I also knew they wanted to make sure they picked the right person for the job. Part of me felt as if the job was mine, but a bigger part of me protected myself from rejection and assumed that I wouldn't get the job.

I went on vacation last week to visit my parents in Alabama. This trip was also a part of the many blessings that I have experienced in the last few weeks.   My parents bought me tickets to fly home for 8 days. In the time home they did everything they could to make sure I was completely spoiled. Not spoiled rotten, of course.  My parents are 2 of the most generous and loving people I have ever met. They are great examples of what it means to give without recognition.  The time home was full of rest and relaxation and soaking up time with my family.

When I flew back to New York, I ended up getting home severely late Monday night. Technically it was Tuesday morning. I had been asked to watch the kids of some friends of mine for what I called the marathon babysitting day. After getting home really late the night before, I had to get up at the crack of dawn to go take care of them. Luckily for me, they were extremely low maintenance and allowed for this weary soul to actually get rest and still get paid. The money from this day job was the first of many paying gigs that week which will allow me to pay bills.

While I was waiting for the kids to finish tae kwon do, I sat with my bestest, to catch up on my time away. During that hour slot I got a call from the pastor of the church offering me the job. I was so taken off guard that I was a fumbling idiot. The confident girl that he interviewed was now flustered and rambling. When I got off the phone I was still so in shock that I had no words. I think there is something in most of us that when we see something that is too good to be true we talk ourselves out of it being a reality to us. I didn't realize I had done that, but I had.  The reality that i have the job is still sinking in and its been almost a week.

Also, this week, a friend of mine let me borrow his car for the day so that I could visit my precious niece while her family is away on vacation.

Another blessing came in the form of payment for some work I had done for a friend. I had offered my services to her family as a gift but she insisted on paying me anyway. The money wasn't expected and the timing of the payment was perfect.

These things are just a few of the ways God has provided for me over the last 2 to 3 weeks. His generosity and provision have been awe inspiring. The way things have turned out, how this path has unfolded in front of me, has truly shown me the beauty of Christ and His grace on our lives. I'm truly grateful for the way that He has provided for me through, not only tangible things, but through the richest of relationships that I have been blessed to be a part of over the last year or so.

The beauty in all of this is not as much in what has been given to me over the last month, but is in the hope and trust I have had in the Lord over the last 3 months. I don't remember a time in my life when I have been as confident in who He is and how He loves us, as I have been over the last several months. I would have never quit my job to pursue the things that I have if that trust in Him wasn't there. I also wouldn't have been so content the last 3 months as I had been if that trust wasn't there. There is such a freedom in trusting that He knows what we need and will provide according to His will. That has allowed me to really rest in the time that I've had and in the relationships that I've had.

I am not blind to the fact that things don't always come so easily. I have several friends who have gone months and in some cases years without a steady job.  I know that could have easily been my path. I don't know why for some this road seems a lot more cumbersome and complicated than it did for me. But the way that this has all unfolded has really proved to me that I can trust in who God is and His plan for our lives. Sometimes it means letting go of our own plan for our lives.

I am still processing the way that God has revealed Himself to me lately. I still feel like I have not fully wrapped my mind around how he has provided for me.

1 comment:

  1. kim, im so thrilled for you! you had me smiling ear to ear with eyes full of "happy" tears by the end of reading this- so neat to see God's faithfulness in your life and your trust in his provision.


    ps- im jealous of all the chic-fil-a you got to eat while you were at home :) its just so good!


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