Snow Boots in the Kitchen

You know when you get older you start to see things in yourself that you didn't see before. You realize patterns, quirks, habits, etc that you may not have noticed before.  One of mine is that I HATE to be startled.  Up until recently, I thought I was weirdly afraid of mice.  But this week, I realized its not really the mouse, its the surprise of the mouse. Especially when you are minding your own business in your kitchen.

So we have a mouse.  You might have missed that in the paragraph above. [winky face] He's a tiny little guy that likes to taunt me.  I've done everything from put down traps, plugged up holes, laid down peppermint oil, and even poison.  Its definitely a part of living in the city but I really don't like the idea of a little creature scurrying under my feet.  I've tried rationalizing that its just a harmless mouse but yet, going into the kitchen is now a process. I walk up to the entryway, turn the light on and wait.  Wait for him to scurry past before I enter.  He'll disappear for a few weeks or even months but I always seem to know when he's back.  "How?" you say. Its like those people know when its going to rain because their knees ache.  I know he's back because I suddenly am aware of every sound and movement in the apartment.  Inevitably within a day or two he'll be spotted.

The moment I realized it wasn't the mouse, it was the surprised attack of the mouse that i was scared of was when I started wearing boots in the house. I don't like it when people sneak up on me. I don't like it when I think someone is going to sneak up on me.  So the other night when my "worst fear" happened as this little 2 inch ball of fur ran over my foot, I lost it.  That is when I went and put on my winter boots and proceeded to walk around the kitchen in them.  And even the next day when i needed to get a lot of cooking done, I wore them for the first hour or so until i felt comfortable that he wasn't going to surprise me.

I know its silly!  But that little guy has almost given me a heart attack TOO many times.  

Fears, Oh My!

In an effort to exercise my writing muscles, I've decided to take on the 30 Days of Blogging Prompts. I got the idea from Brooke from Covered in Grace (30 Days of Blogging Prompts) who got the idea from @ Lashes & Beard. Today I am doing "Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and describe how they became fears."

This one is sort of a struggle to write not because of the fears but because I am not really sure what they are... at least not legitimate fears.

MICE
Sounds silly, right, that I am afraid of mice. Now, I am not afraid of mice that have been pets or caged up. At least I don't think that I am. But I am afraid of the ones who hang out in my kitchen and scurry around in the dark looking for food that is not theirs to eat.

I live in NYC and having mice in your apartment is pretty likely no matter where you live or how clean you are. My last apartment had an infestation. They had done construction on the basement that I think must have stirred up a colony of mice. To top that the apartment right next door had been under construction for the entire 4 years I lived there. So I think they migrated up the 5 flights and decided to make my apartment and that gutted apartment theirs. We had weeks where we saw 1 or 2 a day. Our landlord refused to do much more than give us sticky traps.... so in turn i killed 1 or 2 a day... i am not kidding. So this made me a little jumpy. The straw happened when i was in my room and my hangers started moving on their own. Yes they made it to my room. I moved out soon after. In my current apartment we have had a problem too but not to the extent as before. They show up for a week or so and then disappear for 3-6 months. Its usually a tiny little guy that lives in and on our stove.

Still i am afraid of them. I am more afraid of how sneaky they are. I am afraid that i will step on them or that they will scurry up my leg. Not rational and I know it! Yet I am still afraid.


DEATH OF A PARENT
Over the last few years the reality that my parents are getting older is becoming more real. In the grand scheme of things they are still young. Most people live to be in their 80s but they are reaching ages where the risks are higher and the reality is, well, more real. With my mom's health scare this year, it has become even more obvious that I am not promised to have them forever. The fear of losing them is becoming a daily thing lately. I often find myself wanting to call them every day just to make sure they are OK and doing well. I also find myself wanting to play parent to them. I want to beg them to take very good care of themselves. Not in judgement but purely out of fear that i could one day lose them. I watch my mom struggle with taking care of her ailing mother (95) and hope that I get to do that with her one day. I know that's not ideal for my mom but I hope that I have plenty more years to be with her.


NOT HAVING A FAMILY OF MY OWN
I am turning 37 soon and the reality that I will be single and childless for the rest of my life gets more real every year. I won't go into it too much here but this is an overwhelming fear of mine.  I legitimately want a family. I am not overly proactive nor do I complain about my current status much but it is a fear on mine that is very real.  You can read a little more about this here.

What are some of your fears?  If you've written a post about it, link them up below in the comments section. I'd love to hear them!

Have a great week!

I'll Just Be Honest - Part 2

The other day, I posted Part 1 of "I'll Just be Honest". I am not sure where the thoughts came from. You never know with me where anything comes from. As I was writing things down, I thought of things that I think or feel about myself,  but I also thought about those things that i think others think or feel about me.  The list got super long.  It, quite honestly, could get even longer. So here goes part 2. Maybe 3 will follow shortly.  These are meant to be somewhat humorous and partially thought provoking. Let me know your thoughts.  


I am deathly afraid of mice.  The smaller and the quicker, the louder I shriek. I know that they are harmless and sometimes cute but in my apartment, in my kitchen, you'd think I thought they were Satan's spawn out to get me and make me their dinner...


I am better at beating myself up then you will EVER be.  You think I don't remember what I said or did or could have said or done?  I do.