Thursday, January 31, 2013

Fears, Oh My!

In an effort to exercise my writing muscles, I've decided to take on the 30 Days of Blogging Prompts. I got the idea from Brooke from Covered in Grace (30 Days of Blogging Prompts) who got the idea from @ Lashes & Beard. Today I am doing "Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and describe how they became fears."

This one is sort of a struggle to write not because of the fears but because I am not really sure what they are... at least not legitimate fears.

Sounds silly, right, that I am afraid of mice. Now, I am not afraid of mice that have been pets or caged up. At least I don't think that I am. But I am afraid of the ones who hang out in my kitchen and scurry around in the dark looking for food that is not theirs to eat.

I live in NYC and having mice in your apartment is pretty likely no matter where you live or how clean you are. My last apartment had an infestation. They had done construction on the basement that I think must have stirred up a colony of mice. To top that the apartment right next door had been under construction for the entire 4 years I lived there. So I think they migrated up the 5 flights and decided to make my apartment and that gutted apartment theirs. We had weeks where we saw 1 or 2 a day. Our landlord refused to do much more than give us sticky traps.... so in turn i killed 1 or 2 a day... i am not kidding. So this made me a little jumpy. The straw happened when i was in my room and my hangers started moving on their own. Yes they made it to my room. I moved out soon after. In my current apartment we have had a problem too but not to the extent as before. They show up for a week or so and then disappear for 3-6 months. Its usually a tiny little guy that lives in and on our stove.

Still i am afraid of them. I am more afraid of how sneaky they are. I am afraid that i will step on them or that they will scurry up my leg. Not rational and I know it! Yet I am still afraid.

Over the last few years the reality that my parents are getting older is becoming more real. In the grand scheme of things they are still young. Most people live to be in their 80s but they are reaching ages where the risks are higher and the reality is, well, more real. With my mom's health scare this year, it has become even more obvious that I am not promised to have them forever. The fear of losing them is becoming a daily thing lately. I often find myself wanting to call them every day just to make sure they are OK and doing well. I also find myself wanting to play parent to them. I want to beg them to take very good care of themselves. Not in judgement but purely out of fear that i could one day lose them. I watch my mom struggle with taking care of her ailing mother (95) and hope that I get to do that with her one day. I know that's not ideal for my mom but I hope that I have plenty more years to be with her.

I am turning 37 soon and the reality that I will be single and childless for the rest of my life gets more real every year. I won't go into it too much here but this is an overwhelming fear of mine.  I legitimately want a family. I am not overly proactive nor do I complain about my current status much but it is a fear on mine that is very real.  You can read a little more about this here.

What are some of your fears?  If you've written a post about it, link them up below in the comments section. I'd love to hear them!

Have a great week!

1 comment:

  1. Mice are gross. =( I don't like them either.
    I'm starting to worry about my parents too... I go such long times between seeing them because of our geographic challenges, and every time I see them now...I can see where age has touched them a little bit more. I reeeeeally worry about my grandparents.. they're all in their late 70's now... I can't imagine this world without them. =(

    Thanks for linking up!! xxo


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