Saturday, August 6, 2011

"Do you really Hate being single?"

In a post I wrote on August 3, titled,  I'll Just be Honest - Part 1, I made a statement, "I  HATE being single."

One of my closest friends in the world sent me an email calling me on this statement. "Do you really HATE being single? Or do you just really desire to be married and have children? I don't think that the two things necessarily go together. I think that a person can deeply desire to be married RIGHT NOW, but also not detest being single"

Her words stirred something in me.  A truth was revealed in those few sentences.  When I started writing that post, I had a lot of things running through my mind.  I think I was contemplating life and my roll in it.  My direction in life has been constantly on my mind these days, wondering what I am doing and why.  The married vs. single thing always at the forefront.  I really wonder sometimes why I am still single.  But if I am honest....

Would I rather be married than single? Yes.  

Do I detest being single? No.  

If I took a long look at my life right now, I would see the blessings of what i do have over what i don't.  In reality, I have a life that allows me to do what I want, when I want. I am not really attached to anything or anyone (on this earth).  I have relationships that keep me stationary right now that I wouldn't trade for the world but there is are no lifetime or contractual commitments that i have to hold to. 

I also get to explore who I am through very different eyes then my married friends.  I get to do it in the context of being single, virtually on my own.  How God has created me as a single woman, right now. I don't have to consider other people in that identity the way that married people might feel lead to.  I am not saying those people are defined by their marriage or their family, but I guess I kind of am. Once you take that oath to love and cherish, you are no longer responsible only to you.  If you hold to the sanctity of marriage, you will see that person as a permanent fixture affected by your decisions.  You are not your spouse or your children.  You are individuals but you do have a connection that shouldn't be played with and cheapened by saying they aren't a large part of who you are.  Relationships become a part of who you are and how you live your day to day life, and even more so marriage relationships.  By being single, I don't have to be owned by that right now.  Ultimately, though, I am a follower of Christ, single or not, to him I am committed, forever and always.
Side note:  All this talk on identity makes me want to clarify something.  I am not saying marriage or singleness defines who you are.  Your identity is defined by the Lord.  You are a child of God before anything else.  But as we define our roles in the world we live in, we do take on an identity in those roles.  We might be friend, sister, brother, wife, husband, son or daughter, etc.  I don't mean you=single or you=married, you=father or mother.  You are not those things, but those things are a part of who you are. 
Now, i do have a church family and a roommate that in some very real ways I am very committed to.  What I do and how I do them does affect them. I might not have a spouse but i have a family!

Yes, I want to be married. I want a husband and a child or two of my own. I want to explore the depths of that kind of commitment.  I want to be tied to someone till death do us part. I want to know that the person next to me is in it for the long haul, committed to getting to know me better, deeper and stronger and vice versa. I want to explore God's grace, love, and provisions through the context of marriage. I want the whole romantic thing.  

BUT, I also am enjoying my life right now.  I like being somewhat independent. Some of that comes with my age and the length of time that I have been on my own.  I just wish I could sit in that place. The place of contentment in being where God wants me.  I want to enjoy life as I have it, as it was given to me. Married or Single, Children or no children, money or no money!

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