Saturday, April 28, 2012


We all have times in our lives where we realize something about ourselves. Sometimes we realize our limitations. Sometimes where we excel. Sometimes a little of both. It's something, hopefully, we do all throughout our lives as we grow.

I am in my mid thirties and feel like I'm still trying to figure out who I am. What makes me tick? What am I passionate about? What do I really want in life?

In many ways its usually about the bigger picture, really, and less about my personality. It's not always about: am I kind? Am I patient? Am I loving? Recently those things have been on my mind. Who am I in the midst of life? I struggle between who I think I am and who I want to be.

The shift is happening when I line up who I think I am with what the bible says. On many days they can be two different perceptions.  I focus more on who I should be by the worlds standard or even by the Christian "standard" than I do on Gods standard which is a lot more grace filled. I feel like it should be a lot less about identity and more about learning and growing. If that makes any sense.

Scripture says this:
Ephesians 1:4-5 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will-
 Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
 Colossians 2:13-14 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 
Galatians 4:6-7 Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir. 
Romans 3:24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  
Galatians 3:1-5 You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh? Have you experienced so much in vain—if it really was in vain? So again I ask, does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard? 
Ephesians 1:17-21 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.
But the world is saying this.... 
Be successful
Be pretty
Be smart
Be kind
Be giving
Get yourself together
Often sitting in between, I feel disillusioned and frustrated. Why can't I just choose to be better, kinder, less selfish, more hopeful, more proactive, more supportive, make it less about me... I often see the things I'm doing that make me a lesser version of myself but I do nothing to stop the action or thought process. 

I want to know where the shift is from who I think I am to who I know God sees me as.   I want to be able to rest in knowing that He has accepted me warts and all and be able to take life as it comes in His grace and in his care.  I want to stop analyzing to the point of immobilization, but instead learn from my mistakes, grow from them and rest in his loving redemption.  I want to stop striving for kindness and goodness because that's what I am supposed to be and simply be it because its a reflection of Christ in me.  I want to stop striving for an identity, to be someone and just rest in who God created me to be.  

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