God's Box - Still Trusting

Sometime when I was in grad school someone recommended making a "God Box."  I can't remember who and how it came up but I made it.  The purpose, I believe, was to put your prayers, those that you can't carry anymore, in the box symbolizing giving them to the Lord.  It was totally a little girl-sized exercise, but I did it. I put three prayers in there that I know I had been praying about and likely obsessing about for years.  It was really a symbolic gesture, allowing myself to physically do what I wanted to do emotionally and spiritually.  



I still have that box and it’s been exactly 10 years since I made it.  It still has those three prayers in it. For the most part, they are still very much a part of my life.  One was that I'd get married. One was for plans after graduation. The third will remain unlisted to protect the "innocent."  Though the plans since I graduated have been realized, I find myself still looking towards the future, wondering what is next.  I am still not married, but still trusting that God has a plan for me in that area.  Up until recently I had started to think that maybe God's plan wasn't marriage.  But I can't see it not being a part of my future. It’s still very much a real part of who I am and how I am built.  I am not idolizing marriage.  I have a very real perspective on it right now as I have seen many marriages go through very real, very devastating circumstances.  I get that its not easy, but I also get the kind of person God has created me to be and I can only see that ultimately being a part of a partnership.  The other prayer is still on the top of the list. The status of which has not changed.  Even above marriage, it’s been something I have prayed and fasted for for about 20 years.  Its one of those that I sometimes thinks only has gotten less likely.

I am organizing my room and I came across the box (for the 500th time) and this time I decided to open it up and look at what I put in there.  I noticed the date on them was 2/24/2002.  Ten year ago almost to the day...  As I looked at them, part of me cringed at how little things have changed and how little God "came through," at least in the way I had planned.  But instead of feeling defeated, I realized I could continue to trust God in these areas.  Knowing that His heart for me goes beyond these requests. His plan is bigger then mine.  This time I wrote down the current date and a quick update which for most of them said "still trusting." I am still trusting. Still leaning in. Still hoping and believing.  Although these areas are predominant in my prayers and desires in this life on earth, I realize that in the grand scheme of God's desire for his people, they are a blip on the screen.  I am not saying He doesn't care for the specific, quite the opposite, but I am realizing in the bigger picture they are a small part of the plan.  God's plan for me will hopefully involve these desires to be realized but my hope is that His heart for the lost and broken is realized first.