Sometime when I was in grad school someone recommended making a "God Box." I can't remember who and how it came up but I made it. The purpose, I believe, was to put your prayers, those that you can't carry anymore, in the box symbolizing giving them to the Lord. It was totally a little girl-sized exercise, but I did it. I put three prayers in there that I know I had been praying about and likely obsessing about for years. It was really a symbolic gesture, allowing myself to physically do what I wanted to do emotionally and spiritually.
I still have that box and it’s been exactly 10 years since I made it. It still has those three prayers in it. For the most part, they are still very much a part of my life. One was that I'd get married. One was for plans after graduation. The third will remain unlisted to protect the "innocent." Though the plans since I graduated have been realized, I find myself still looking towards the future, wondering what is next. I am still not married, but still trusting that God has a plan for me in that area. Up until recently I had started to think that maybe God's plan wasn't marriage. But I can't see it not being a part of my future. It’s still very much a real part of who I am and how I am built. I am not idolizing marriage. I have a very real perspective on it right now as I have seen many marriages go through very real, very devastating circumstances. I get that its not easy, but I also get the kind of person God has created me to be and I can only see that ultimately being a part of a partnership. The other prayer is still on the top of the list. The status of which has not changed. Even above marriage, it’s been something I have prayed and fasted for for about 20 years. Its one of those that I sometimes thinks only has gotten less likely.