Day 23: Satisfaction - June 24 2011

Original Post

When i first was thinking about leaving my 9 to 5 admin job, I really was concerned with what i would do with my time. I know me and i do MUCH better with structure. To give me open ended days with no outside structure was super intimidating. On top of that, i had to be self motivating. That isn't always my strong suit either. If given the opportunity, I'd let people come to me every time. I also wasn't 100% confident that photography was what i wanted to do. I felt my skills were extremely limited and in NYC, I knew i was well below the competition. I wasn't sure i had it in me to be the person i would need to be to earn an income.

I guess knowing this about me, I started out with making plans and goals for myself. I also gave myself permission to ease into this. I spent my first few weeks doing more baby sitting then shooting but that in itself motivated me more. It created a little more structure for myself. It also allowed me to get to know a few people more then i would have otherwise.

This last week, I got the opportunity to take maternity shots for one of my close friends which also allowed me to learn photoshop on a much deeper level. I have had so much fun editing photos. I find myself getting lost in one photo. The attention to detail that you need to have to do it is amazing and a tad overwhelming but i am learning lots of patience because of it. I am learning to slow and down and focus.

Because of my new lifestyle and career goals, it is opening me up to do more for myself and especially for other people. I can help friends move, watch friends' children, volunteer at local bookstores, make my roommate dinner (early), bake bread, write blog posts, research for a novel, run without hindrances, wear PJs all day, not wear make up for 3 days, and so much more. Now many of these don't pay the bills but they go beyond that. To hear the gratitude in peoples voices, to see faces light up, the pounds drop off, to grow closer to the Lord, that's all the payment in the world.

The last three weeks have done wonders for my heart and for my confidence. I feel more settled and ready for whatever God has in store for me. I feel far less anxious about what i am doing, who i am and where i am going. There is a point when you take such big steps of faith that you have to resign yourself to God's plan. You can't look back or waver. If you allow doubt to get in, its debilitating and soul sucking. I knew that doubt could be my ruler so i prepared my first few steps to be centered on spending time with the Lord and really securing my hope in him and not in success. Those were key in getting me through these first few weeks.

I don't know where this road is going to take me. I am not sure what i will be doing in 2 months. But i know that for right now, i am basking the grace of God, watching him transform my life and the people around me. I get the privilege of seeing people's needs get met and know that on some level I might have helped.