Keeping Up

I spent last week in Pittsburgh with my brother's family.  It wasn't intended as a "fun" trip/vacation but in some ways it was.  We had some zoo fun.  We were there having some tests run on my sweet niece. 

Because of the trip, I asked some of my sponsors and blogging friends to guest post.  So many people signed up that I actually took almost 2 weeks off.  Now, the posts have run out (save one for tomorrow that i messed up scheduling for) and I am left having to write my own posts, think of my own ideas... get my #@*& together.  Although I do want to write more this month, I am not mentally ready for that to start today.  I am still really exhausted from the trip.  It was mentally exhausting and I think its taking me a while to recover.  

But I thought I'd share just a few of the photos my sister-in-law and I took at the zoo.  We used her camera so i didn't have to haul all of my stuff down.  We switched off taking pictures.  

Thanks to my July sponsors who helped with my posts. Thanks to everyone else for your encouragement the last couple of weeks.  I love the blogging community! Learning a lot of you guys.

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{Post Sponsored by This Lovely}

Weekend Wrap Up

I kind of miss my weekends sometimes.  I work for one church but attend and serve at another one. They are part of the same community so most Sundays the message is relatively the same.  One of the services is on Saturday evening and the other is on Sunday evening.  I love them both and am honored to be a part of both but I often find myself missing my weekend.  I typically "have" to arrive by 3pm both days and don't end up leaving until 7 or 7:30.  There are no complaints here, its just hard sometimes to find time to play or rest.  The day has to kind of be scheduled closely.  Now that summer is here, the desire to go do things is greater.  This weekend, we somehow found a way to do all that we wanted to do and still feel like we had a weekend.

On Thursday, I had someone order one of my Etsy Elephants.  I posted it back in January from one I made a friend for her baby shower.  After being encouraged to start selling them, I posted it on Etsy.  I asked my friends what they would pay for a hand knit elephant.  They all encouraged me not to under sell which is often where i lean on my knitted projects.  6 months later, someone purchased one.  I was beginning to think the price was too high.  So I have spent many hours in front of the TV working on the elephant.  I am now about 70% of the way through.  With work and life, it takes me about a week to do.  Its about 12 pieces sown together to make an adorable grey elephant. 

On Friday, this guy showed up at my house.  A present from my amazing parents.  It was my mom's birthday and fathers day last week/weekend and they got ME a present.  I am so spoiled!  While I was home, I mentioned I needed a new TV.  My current one worked and was fine for this poor, struggling artist but it is 10 years old, the picture is off and the color, distorted.  It was on my list to one day get but paying rent and eating trumped such a frivolous purchase.  When the delivery guy showed up with this, I about took him out. I think my loud words were, "Are you Freaking Kidding Me?"  He got a good laugh out of it.  I think I probably was his happiest stop of that hot summer day.

The above TV is our old TV.  I think he weighed about 50lbs.  He was left on the street and was gone within a couple of hours.  He found a new home :)

Later that evening, we had dinner at some friends' house.  Its a couple we've grown pretty fond of.  We try and get together once a month. In New York City, that's hard to do.  Scheduling 4 people's schedule regularly is sometimes impossible.  We totally enjoy their presence.  We never laugh so hard as we do when we are there.  They cooked this amazing meal and then we played this game, "Ticket to Ride."  I WON! Its a great strategy game that doesn't take too much brain power. KEY for the end of a week, in a food coma kinda night.

On Saturday, we got up at 8am to go for a run.  We are trying to do better at running.  We do this every year. We run a half marathon in March and then don't run consistently again until the fall... But this time the added pounds are helping motivate us!

After the service that evening, we got to have a spontaneous dinner with another couple whom we completely adore.  We call them our NY Parents.  Its our pastor and his wife.  The sweetest, most authentic couple you'll ever meet.  I wish I had a picture of them cause I'd love to show them off to you!

On Sunday, we decided we'd take advantage of the gorgeous weather.  After a leisurely morning and little bit of shopping, we went to Central Park and enjoyed the warm rays of sun!  We played lots of cribbage... Again, I WON.  No I am not competitive.... :/  

Lovely weekend!  I can't wait to do that more often!

What did you do this weekend?  

I really wanna know!

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Sweet Discipline, Part 2

Picture curtesy of HGTV

I wrote a blog the other day about God's discipline on my life. Another area of discipline for me has been in how we view ourselves in relation to the situations and people around us.  I've heard several people in various places lately make comments like "I deserve this" or "I just want to be recognized for this" or "I need to do this for me."  Most times I have been the one saying these things.  

When It Rains...

You know the saying, “when it rains it pours”? For the last 2 or 3 weeks, this saying has been true to my life. But fortunately for me, it hasn't been for the negative. It has been in the form of many blessings.

As many of you know, I quit my job in June of this year. The decision to leave my 9 to 5 was as much for my passion to pursue photography and writing as it was to trust that God had something better for me. I took a risk not having the promise of income for the foreseeable future. God was gracious to me, in that, fear and anxiety never followed the decision to leave. I knew that this move was something that He desired for my life.

I had the blessing of not only my community but my closest friends and my family. So off I went in pursuit of whatever God's path was for me. Most days involved writing, cooking, serving my friends, babysitting, and occasionally photography. For close to 2 months I did not bring in much money if any at all. To say that it wasn't a concern would be a lie, but I also knew I was doing what God wanted me to do at the time. This allowed me to breathe a little easier in doing the things that were giving me life.

The Lies We Listen To.

Why aren't you married yet? What's wrong with you? You aren't pretty enough. You aren't skinny enough. You aren't smart enough, talented enough. You haven't done enough... today, ever! Your worth is based on whether you do this or don't do this. You need their acceptance. Stay away from those types. Why aren't you more like her/them? Who are you going to be today? God is so disappointed with you. You haven't grown enough. You haven't served enough. You can do more.

Those are just a few of the lies that I believe. Some days I believe most of them. Some days I believe just one or two. Some of them are so so subtle that I don't even realize they exist until someone calls me on it. I am sure we all have those lies spinning around our heads.

Identity is something I have been really struggling with (or rather its the topic of growth lately). And ironically enough, its the topic of the week for the study my discipleship group is working through. Its always funny to me how things kind of work together. How God really does ordain the little things. How he knits together the experiences in just the way that you begin to learn, take in his words, his truths, his love.

This morning, I went for my run, finally feeling well enough to run after being sick with the flu for 2 weeks. As I began the run, I was listening to a song by Sara Haze called, Lovely. As the song played, it resonated with emotions, thoughts, and truths that I have been thinking about lately. Society and our communities are good at telling us who we should be, how we should look, where we should be, etc. In the Christian community, although we try and buck these vices, we often create deeper-rooted expectations for ourselves and the people around us. You should be married by this age, kids by this time, successful by this time, etc and etc. But more then that, we often have a culture of expectation around what we do and don't do. Sometimes those expectations are subtle and sometimes they are societal norms. But they aren't always God's expectations and even if on some level, they are, there is a grace and love that flows from his love for us that doesn't use those expectations like nooses around us but rather guidelines to help us grow in deep unity with him.

But lately I have realized that the expectations weighing down on me are not society, community, culture or even God. They are from some distorted truth I have soaked in for a long time. I am not sure if they started with a lie that I chose to believe about who I was and then soaked in it long enough that it became such an unconscious part of who I was? I am a results driven person. I like to see proof of my efforts. I also crave acknowledgment for those efforts even if it comes in minimal forms. It will often cost me time, energy and even my health. The need to know I am accepted and understood through acknowledgment of my efforts is crucial. If the right amount of acknowledgment doesn't show then I do more to add on to what I am doing so that one day, maybe, someone will notice. In the past it meant pulling long hours, taking on more then I had time or energy to do. It cost me some relationships or at the very least did some damage. Currently it comes in the success of my business or what I do in between.

I recently got reprimanded because I followed through on an expectation someone had of me while I had the flu. Letting that person down and so many others (I felt) was worse then not getting rest or sleep. My friend looked at me in the midst of it and said. "Your worth is not defined by what you do!" BAM. Right to the heart. I have been marinating in that since. So much of what I do and how I function is in little moments like that. Areas where I think I am doing what's expected of me but underneath its more about losing respect or favor if I don't do it, even its at the expense of my wellbeing.

The Lord has been using moments like that to show me my worth is not defined by what I do or what people think of me. Its not defined by the items I check off today or the money I bring in tomorrow. It’s not about the number of friends that show up on my facebook wall or the readers of this blog. Its not defined by who I take pictures of or what I write.

The following verses were part of the study I am working on this week and aided in really showing me who God is in my life and how much he loves me and wants to see me grow and flourish! He is fighting for me. Sometimes we think no one is on our side, no one understands. God does even if we don't feel it in the moment.

“The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy." Zephaniah 3:17

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91