I am a firm believer that we should always be students. Life s full of lessons and we have a choice to learn in those moments or stay in a land of immaturity, naivety, and ignorance. If we are honest with ourselves we all take the latter road at one point or another. Life or someone in our life may call us on where we are and we may choose to make excuses to stay just where we are. And if we are lucky, life, or the people in our lives, will continue to stick by us even as we live in a state of ignorance. If we are believers our relationship with Christ is hopefully that voice that steers us towards truth. Sometimes our selfishness or our patterns keep us from seeing or hearing that voice.
I've definitely been there lately. I've chosen the latter, sometimes intentionally and sometimes just simply stuck in my ignorance. One of the voices I've been hearing lately is the one gently correcting me as I rant and rave about the "issues" in my life. If I feel I've been wronged or misunderstood then I complain to someone I trust. Then that complaint seems validated because I feel better and somewhat confirmed in what I've said. Very rarely do I address the issue head on but rather I complain the feelings into life. I give them feet and hands sometimes. I start looking at the source of my complaint as the thorn in my flesh instead of the gift they are from God. I no longer look for reconciliation or renewal rather I look for ways to avoid and reject responsibility.
I am a person who believes the bible is the true word of God and is, among other things, meant to aid and guide us in the way of our Lord Jesus. I believe every word is God breathed and with purpose. I'll be the first to admit I don't get all or much of it and I scratch my head as to the reason for some of it but I also believe those parts have purpose and meaning only the Lord can truly understand. Given that, I often feel like I have a voice and live a life of a hypocrite because in my actions I am living blatantly outside of what his word speaks to. My words are not edifying. They don't bring renewal or truth. They are only used to advance my agenda and my desires. As I was thinking lately about how abrasive my words can be, I've had a few verses pop into mind. As I sat down to look them up I was reminded of the weight of those verses and the impact they can have.
The latter verse strikes a special chord in me! How easily our tongues can destroy any witness we have of the goodness of the lord!
The thought that started this process happened as I heard myself rant to someone very close to me. I trust this person never to repeat the hurtful things I was spewing but as I was talking I imagined a speaker being hooked up to me without me knowing it and screaming these sad words to the people I never really wanted to hear them. Just how hurt they would be. Then I imagined their hearts breaking at the pettiness I was displaying when a simple conversation would have awoken us all to the pain being experienced. I started to hear the pettiness, the miss represented behaviors and the lies in what I was feeling and in what I was saying.
As a Christian, God calls us to a higher standard. One that represents his desire for renewal, righteousness and peace, not one of selfish ambition, one upmanship and pride. Finding your way out from under the pile of waste built up over years of bad habits, false ideas and sin seems so daunting. Clinging to the One who brings revival of the spirit and the soul is my only choice and it's one I yearn to have. Choosing to no longer sit idle in the pattern of indifference is my next step; refusing to let spiritual laziness have its hold on me is my next goal.