Waiting Here For You

I've been working from the comfort of my local coffee shop, Taszo, lately.  I get so much done here.  While I work I listen to Pandora.  I have my pandora station set to play the perfect list for me!  Its a mix of folky country, worship music, etc.  I get my Lone Bellow fix along with my Jesus music.  

As I was listening, Waiting Here for You by Christy Nockels came on.  The song made me pause my work to really take in the words and meaning.  This song speaks right to the heart of where I am right now.  I am in a place of expectation with my Lord.  Not an expectation without faith. I completely trust in His desire to provide. Its a sweet spot to be in.  Its like the child waiting on the father, the sheep waiting on the shepherd.  There is no doubt that He will come through.  I just want to sit in it, praising and trusting in my Lord.  I don't get this whole thing right a lot of the time, but knowing He is the author of my salvation, my life, my destiny keeps me moving forward. I know a lot of people in my life don't get the faith I have but it really is my most precious possession. I can't imagine my life without Jesus as my Lord.  I wish at times I could better articulate that but for now it will just have to be the way I live my life.  

If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move

We come with expectation

Waiting here for you, waiting here for you

You're the Lord of all creation

And still you know my heart

The author of salvation

You've loved us from the start

Waiting here for you

With our hands lifted high in praise

And it's you we adore

Singing Alleluia

You are everything you've promised

Your faithfulness is true

And we're desperate for your presence

All we need is you

Waiting here for you, Lord

With our hands lifted high in praise

And it's you, Lord, we adore

Singing Alleluia

We will wait for you, Lord, he'll stand with you

We will sing alleluia

Singing Alleluia, alleluia

Singing Alleluia, alleluia

Waiting here for you

With our hands lifted high in praise

And it's you we adore, we adore

Singing Alleluia

Waiting here for you

With our hands lifted high in praise

And it's you we adore

Singing Alleluia, singing Alleluia

Waiting here for you

With our hands lifted high in praise

And it's you we adore, with our lives

Singing Alleluia, singing Alleluia

Day 37: Eating an Elephant

I am the kind of girl that tries to find teachable moments in EVERYTHING... even in moments that are just, well, moments.  Meaning? I over think everything.  I am not sure when this started but has definitely been my life for the last few years. I think it’s my way of sifting through this life I live.  There has to be some meaning to where I am, what I am doing and whom I am doing it with. 

Who knows why I do it but most days it actually serves me well.  It allows me to see things from another perspective, which in turn pushes me to grow more.  Lately it’s pushed me to seek God's heart more, which is always a good thing.

The last 6 weeks have been new, exciting, scary, intriguing, and so many other adjectives.  My test of trust in the Lord has not once been denied.  I have had moments of wavering and questioning but the knowledge of why I did what I did hasn't wavered, just the how.  

The last 2 weeks, I have been fighting a virus of some sort.  The dreaded Flu has been my enemy.  Keeping me from work, fun days in the sun, and truly enjoying living. It tried its hardest to keep me from 4th of July fun but I resisted, probably to my own disadvantage.  I tried in those 2 weeks to find what God might be teaching me.  Is He teaching me patience? Rest? What?  Maybe, on some levels yes, but to be honest I don't think I learned much more then in those areas then I had already been learning.  I did learn simple truths, like: Your worth is not defined by what you do (or don't do).  Your body needs complete rest.  Editing photos drains you a lot more then you'd ever think.  And you can rely on your "family" to take care of you. Its ok!

This time has definitely left me scrambling in some ways.  My livelihood is dependent on my motivation, my focus, and my energy.  If I don't work, then I don't earn money, then I don't pay bills, etc etc.  I get that I am blessed to have people who are willing to support me but that can only go so far.  It can only last so long.  I also get that starting your own business takes time.  But being sick for two weeks definitely has taken the steam out of my engine.  I am left with questions, concerns, and confusion.  

My struggle, though, isn't really on the lack of motivation.  Its on the faith and trust I have in the Lord. I have never doubted His promptings to bring me to the place I am at. I have never questioned that, so why am I doing that now?  Its natural I guess.  Part of the human process.

So what do I do now?  I regroup.  I pray... ALOT.  And I move forward.  God has been faithful so far and he will continue to be faithful.  

One idea that my best friend and I use with each other a lot, especially when things get overwhelming, is the idea of eating an Elephant.  You don't try and it eats it in one sitting. You take it one bite at a time.  We often see the big things in front of us. We see our human ability to accomplish those hurdles and can often be sidetracked, overwhelmed and discouraged.  We see the big picture and not the details in between.  Life was never meant to be taken in all at once. Its a process and is racked full of processes. 

My journey is not over.  It’s just starting. The Mountain I have to climb is just getting started.  (WOW SO MANY METAPHORES).   I love challenges. I love adventures.  If it were a literal mountain, I’d look at it, grit my teeth and plunge through. I wouldn't get part way up and go, "nope, can't do it." I don't have that personality.  I would be too stubborn to ever do that. So why do I want to default to that now?  If I were on an expedition across the country and ran out of gas in Pennsylvania, I wouldn't turn back and go home.  I'd find a way to make the rest of the trip happen. I'd be too excited about the rest of the country I was about to see.   So here we go. Onward and upward.