Sunday, October 2, 2011

Stuck in the Mud

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you want to move forward but something holds you back.  For some it might be a dream job that requires risk.  For some it might be a relationship.  For me, right now, I find myself somewhat stuck in my faith.  Not in a way that i am losing or struggling with my faith but really going forward with it.

New or young followers are often referred to as children in relation to their faith.  Our relationship with God isn't made perfect over night.  He is perfect, but we are not and our human efforts will tend to leave us wanting more.  It takes time, a lifetime, to really truly develop your faith.  It takes a lifetime of walking with the Lord.  But at some point along the way, you should find yourself maturing over remaining like a child.  In some respects, being like children when approaching our Heavenly Father, our Creator is necessary but in regards to our pursuit of God, we should grow up, right?

I was thinking about it the other morning, and I had an image of a car stuck in the mud.  Pushing the gas peddle down in the midst of the mud can be futile, leading us nowhere. Sometimes it just gets us stuck further into the ground.  I think my relationship with God is something like that right now.  I've made some distance in my 23 years.  I am not in the place I was at 13 but somewhere down the road I did get stuck.  I think I have a few times. Sometimes I think i even took a wrong turn.  Each time, with the Holy Spirit's guidance, I got back on the road forward.  This time, the feeling of being stuck has more to do with the desire to move forward but feeling like I am being held back.  I want to know more. I want to pursue more.  I want to understand more but for some reason, I am not going anywhere.  At least I feel like I'm not...

Sitting in that place, trying to figure out how to get out has me frustrated.  Each morning I pray that today will be different.  Today, the desire will lead to action, which will lead to a deeper understanding of who He is.  But each day is the same. Each one begins with a hope of something deeper but ends feeling like the day before.

The difference with where i am today verses where I was last time I felt stuck is that now, I really want to understand on a deeper level the power behind who Jesus is.  This isn't about doing the right things. Its not about being the right person.  This is truly about understanding on a deeper level who Jesus is.

I get that one of the reasons I am not going forward is because, I simply am not doing anything about it.  I pray for something to change but i haven't done anything on a given day to really ready myself for what the Lord might be telling me. I spend  some time in prayer and reading but then quickly move on to my normal schedule. I often don't go beyond that.  So my next steps are to pray for and prepare myself to take steps every day and to constantly remind myself that giant steps won't happen every day. I can't superman my way through this process. I have to take each day, each moment and each experience at a time but remember the One who is walking through it with me.  I can't get ahead of Him which i think I am trying to do.  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5 NASB)
"For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, `plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find  Me  when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, `and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, `and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile." (Jeremiah 29:11-14 NASB)
"Trust in the LORD forever, For in GOD the LORD,  we have  an everlasting Rock." (Isaiah 26:4 NASB) 
"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind "(Jeremiah 17:7-10 NIV)

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